Anyone who’s been in a successful relationship knows that communication is the key to that success. While communication is important all the time, pillow talk is really the perfect way to keep your relationship alive and thriving. So what is pillow talk? Urban Dictionary defines it as “time for two people to enjoy each other's presence through conversation, in a somewhat spontaneous way, but in a way that will let both parties go to bed with clear heads.” Lying next to each other, or in one another’s arms, while talking (and listening) makes you both feel loved. While every couple is different, there’s a few ways anyone can have successful pillow talk.

1. Talk About the Future

Remember when you were dating and couldn’t stop talking about your possible future together? There’s no need to stop just because you’ve started a life together. It’s still important to talk about your dreams and goals, both as individuals and as a couple. This isn’t the time for criticizing ideas or dreams; it’s a good moment to encourage your spouse.

2. Give Compliments

Talk about the things you love about your spouse. While general observations are fine, something specific or recent is even better (for example, a good job on a home improvement task or a good-looking new haircut). Physical compliments add a bit of flirtiness or romance to your talk, while compliments on abilities build your loved one up.

3. Plan Vacations

Talk about ideas for future getaways, both short term and long term. You can talk about a little weekend escape a few months out as well as a longer vacation in the next year or two. Having something fun to look forward to will connect you, make you happier overall, and motivate you in your day-to-day work too. Dream of happy, relaxing times and visualize what those times together could be like.

4. Overcome Struggles

Talk about something difficult you’ve recently overcome, either individually or as a couple. When you review something that was overcome individually, that person can feel proud of the accomplishment while the other person’s respect can grow. When you talk about something you’ve overcome together, it really bonds you as a couple with that feeling of being able to do anything together. Finding that silver lining in a dark cloud makes everyone feel good!

5. Discuss Your Day

This one is a little tricky, but can really boost your relationship when done right. This isn’t the moment to nag or complain. This is the time to mention those little things that happened during the day that made you smile or laugh. When you both open up about these seemingly insignificant things, it makes you feel like you were part of each other’s day. It takes away the chance for insecurity to take place, and invites in more room for trust.

While having those few moments at night will strengthen you as a couple, there’s also the side benefit of getting a better night’s sleep. You generally fall asleep smiling and thinking of your positive conversation, so you’re less likely to drift off while dwelling on future responsibilities and struggles. Most importantly, successful pillow talk will lead to a strong relationship and a more upbeat view on life as a whole.